What's the Point

You were cruel.

I fought with the world, my most favorite person my mom, and my inner voice to not blame you. To accept how unacceptable you treated me. I blamed myself, so that i dont blame you make excuses for you action when you didnt take accountability. 

You were cruel. I didnt deserve your cruelity. You never apologized for those. You asked me to forget. 

HVD, I broke up. 

Not only i felt rejected, abandoned but the way i felt so unsafe trying to save what "us?" The us that never existed, what was the point? Running to you 3am in the night in the dark street walk to your place, waiting on your stairs finally with morning sun so that i can knock your door.

I kept putting myself in those dangerous situation in attempt for you to see me, my love? Win your sympathy, coz i confused sympathy for love? And in the process i devalued myself again and again. Giving you my body eventhough i didnt want to, cause that will probably make you love me. But i was an object you took out frustration, sexual experiment so you could score better in exam. You left me half naked feeling used and grabbed a book to study. And i understood. I cared for whats important to you just to fast forward 16 years for you to tell me at my weakest that i dont understand and hence you are leaving.

You were cruel, for breaking my leg. Never apologizing never showing you regret. You were cruel for never introducing me as your wife or partner but your colleague when we were married. 

You were cruel, when you said you wont marry if your parent were at wrong and you took their side and put our relationship our marriage on bet. You were cruel when in front of whole audience you said you dont want wear the ring coz your family wants you to wear the ring in right hand.

You are still cruel, when you said i dont to destroy another girls dream, villianizing me when i was beaten down. When i showed you my vernubility by saying how neglected i felt my whole life you could blame me and cared less. 

You were and are cruel to you. For the reasons, i dont understand. But congratulations you broke me, stole my spirit and left me abandoned.

But you showed me the version of me who's capable of love. I wont dwell on guilt or past choices. I have known to love myself and i am done putting myself in place of danger to win any ones love. I dont want love conjecture with because, i want love that i deserve that i am capable of and that i can give.

So good for you to run away. Coz you never deserved my world, you knew you were here to take and you were on borrowed time. Hope you learned something both you and your parent. Coz for the sake of the world, i wish you never treat another human like you treated me. 

What's the point? - Learn to love.

Godspeed.